My Other Dashboard

jar0fstars:

pinkpillsanity:

bidoofina:

ilovecharts:

This is important for me to clarify because I did not do a good job while writing in anger earlier:

I like conversations. I don’t like binary issues and I don’t like name calling. It’s horrible to watch this devolve into an issue of “oversensitive [insert feminist insult here]” vs “ignorent…

this dude wrote: “the realities of courtship, which is absolutely 100% manipulation. Courtship is manipulating somebody into finding you desirable.”

oh my god, why do men get so defensive whenever a woman points out they might be doing something wrong maybe?

If courtship is manipulation, you’re doing it wrong. Period.

Um, this. The point of courtship is to see if the person is into hanging around you the way you really are. Like if you’re compatible enough for love to foster naturally.

Relationships are about compromise and sacrifice sometimes, but they’re not about playing a game that needs to be won, and they’re definitely not about deception—which manipulation is, whether it’s supposed to be “neutral” or not.

While I do overall agree with the first part of your statement, I still disagree with your final point.  Yes, in “courtship” (only in quotes because I never really use that word) you should never not be yourself, however there is still an element of what can be called deception, as in choosing what part of yourself to show at what time.  “Neutral manipulation” and “deception” may sound like strong words, and while there may be a better word for it, I do not know of one.

I do not look my best everyday, however I will try to look my best (not necessarily suit and tie, but still clean cut, maybe blazer and collared shirt and such) on a date.  I however see myself as being more of a t-shirt and jeans guy overall.  I wouldn’t say I have deceived her, but I still haven’t presented myself as I would any regular day.  It could be said that because I already have those nicer clothes and know how to clean myself up, that it is still a part of who I am, but personally I still feel as though dressing up is just outside of what I would categorize as “just being myself”. 

Along the same lines, you may only present minor character problems on a first date (whether done consciously or not) because you don’t want to “scare” them away.  But as you two get closer you reveal the rest of your character and possibly some more deep seeded issues that you only feel comfortable telling those you are really close to.  It is not about lying, it is about trying to have them see your best side as you two are first getting closer.

As a side note: I find this whole ilovecharts dialogue/whatever you want to call it fascinating.